It's been a roller coaster few weeks. The holiday season always brings a lot of mixed emotions. For years my family did Holiday traditions that separated us and caused lots of anxiety for me. We would go over my Dad's house for his annual holiday dinners (thanks Charlotte), but my Hubby wouldn't go and recently Kalia wouldn't go. So I made the difficult choice to start new family traditions with my family which caused a rift. So this holiday was filled with pride and unity and acceptance and warmth but I still felt a little guilt and anxiety and even like I was abandoning my Dad. But ultimately we have to move forward and grow and surround ourselves with those that see the best in our lives, our marriages and our children. I am so proud of the adults my children are becoming. Proud of Kalia's decision to marry and trust in love at a young age; proud of Kaissa's independent spirit, resiliency and adaptability. And Jamir is surprising me everyday with his care and concern for others and keeping up with his glasses, phone and house keys- huge things for him! Our family is not perfect but we are perfect for each other. My husband has stepped in as role model, father figure and father to five kids sans active biological fathers and one of his own. He does not have to engage but he chooses to, and I am grateful. So there were a lot of transitions at the end of the year. Sometimes growth and change is painful; but ut's always necessary.
Most people who know me know my Granny is my everything. Well I got a text today from my Uncle that he had to take her to the hospital because she has been unable to keep food down for two days. After talking to my boss and co-workers I went to the hospital to see her. She had been re-hydrated and was feeling good. On the way home my 17-year old Kaissa said "I've constructed a narrative about Grandma that she is invincible." My first response was- that's not a narrative, it's the truth. Then I told her that narrative was a defense mechanism against the inevitability that one day she would leave us. I have cried my whole life over the thought that my Granny would one day leave me. It's a gut wrenching thought that brings tears to my eyes. She is the Lillie of my valley and I have never known a day without her love and support. I am praying and hoping that she recovers and comes home. I'm thinking of all my friends and families who have had to find an anchor when their Granny has gone on to glory. Praying for Granny and praying for our entire family. At the end of the day, all of our lives should glorify God. And my Granny's life does that, daily.