It's Over Now

I have been in a storm for what seems like years now. 2004 was the last time I can remember just chilling. Since then it's been like a hustle todos los dias! Back in '04 I graduated from law school, prepared to pass the Bar Exam, I was secure in my marriage, my church home, my faith, my family. It was all good. Then in an instant it was all bad. What a difference a day makes...

First I failed the bar
Then George Bush was elected president (illegally, again)
Then I was ostracized from my church family for openly speaking out against the Republicans use of the church for votes
Then I left my church home of 5 years
Then my husband wanted to stay at the church that I had decided to leave
Then I found a new, wonderful church home
Then my son had surgery for sleep apnea
Then my husband left for Greece for the summer, although I was totally opposed to the idea for spiritual, physical, financial, and educational reasons
Then my daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy (around this point, my friend Gabrielle emailed me and said how much more can you take??? NEVER say that to someone going through a storm)
Then my husband left
Then I got divorced
Then I lost my job
Then I failed the bar again
Then I got pregnant with twins by someone I didn't want to marry
Then I was put on bedrest for five weeks
Then the twins were born at 27 weeks (but they survived- a silver lining in the clouds)

Since the twins were born I have maintained, not necessarily anymore obvious drama, but little storms here and there. Just this year:
I battled the flu for three weeks (the kids were sick for two weeks)
Studied for and took the bar exam again
Had my car hit by an uninsured motorist
The whole family got gastrointeritis (after the flu isn't that so unfair, how much bodily fluids can one take?)
Took Grandma to the hospital thinking she had gastrointeritis only to find out my Grandma has Colon Cancer
Helped my Grandma battle Colon Cancer (stage 2- surgery, only treatment)
Had my Mom stay with me for a month (those who know me well will know this may have been a bigger storm than colon cancer)
And finally I have decided, willed, prayed, and declared that

In the last week, I've had some wonderful things happen to me:
I won a fellowship to pay for my Graduate School education
I wrote a proposal for an organization which rec'd a $12K grant
I passed the Professional Responsibility part of the Bar Exam
I had a great visit from the children's father
My mother went back home
My father and I reconnected in a major way
I dealt with anger and did not sin.
And I am still here, laughing, smiling and believing that the best is yet to come...

Maybe I can't control the storms that come but I can control the altitude I choose to fly. I fly as high as I can, close to the SON where I know I'll be safe. It's not by strength but through Christ that I am able to stand, love, create, and hope. I will love again, Ihope to share my life in marriage with the man of my dreams (I hope you are reading, dear), and I hope to raise the most amazing set of children that Columbus, Ohio has ever seen. I cannot do that without a higher power leading, guiding, teaching, and healing me through it all.

This is my last blog under "Soaring Through the Storm" it was a long steady shower, with lots of sunshowers along the way. But it's time to the sun to come out and stay for a while. So, join me on my other blog: blackgirlsong.blogspot.

My friend Kim told me I live to be the Phoenix rising from the ashes. But think of how much you could accomplish if you didnt' always have to rise from the ashes. I didn't get what she was saying then, but I do now. I'm over the Phoenix complex, I just want to do the dang thang. I hope you have learned something from my Storm. Don't let it take this much turbulence to have you fly close to the SON. One Love, Tanikka.