The Storm After the Calm

So, it’s over. The book/CD release celebration is over. Beside the technical difficulties which definitely impacted the enjoyment factor of the event for me-everything else was butter. My presentation came together nicely, the books and CDs were completed timely and the flow was on point. My dreams truly came true on Sunday. All my children were there to enjoy the event and the twins were very well behaved I must say. I was in the dressing room at Ashley Stewart trying on all kinds of stuff (in size 14 I might add!) but in the end, my stylists: Verlene Wright, Shawntay Beckford, and Lakisha Hardin got me outfitted just right. Tre’Vera Anderson and Von Woods got my makeup together with the Asian theme I wanted and I allowed God to use this broken vessel for his glory. The highlight for me was doing “Give ‘em Glory” with LX, Halle, and Nigh. It was an afternoon to remember.

So, Monday. It’s like coming down off a high. Things look different to you and you know you have experienced something great but you have to get back to real life. It comes at your fast and it hits hard. A couple conversations with some male “friends” quickly took me off my high the night of the event and left me with more questions than answers. Can men and women be friends first of all? Especially after they have been intimate…What is the point of the friendship and what about the secret/silent expectations that linger around the interactions. I don’t know but I’m taking a break from talking to any ex-men until I can figure this one out. Last night I had a dream about my first ex-husband it was titillating. I hate when your dreams force you to deal with the physical desire to be intimate when that’s all you try not to think about. OK, it all started yesterday after class when I was driving home and seen this young, dark, hot man jogging down the street with no shirt off. I had to plead the blood to get my mind back from where it went. And Abdur used to have pecs and abs like that so… You get the point. My dream got me off track for a minute. And I am even more determined not to get tangled up in where my hormones and emotions want to go as far as men are concerned.

I am in control: of my weight (what I choose to eat), my emotions, my actions and my finances. This will be my mantra for the next few days. I don’t have to be out of control, or act on my out of control impulses. I can hold on and keep the victory. Ya heard?!