Confidence or Condemnation

I woke up this morning feeling great! Not for any particular reason, I just feel very comfortable in the skin I am in. I think that because of my relationship with Christ I know in my heart that everything work out for the good. I don't have a blueprint as to how it is going to work out but that's the point of walking in faith. The Bible says many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21) So I'm not so much making plans for my future as I am trying to be the person today that He called me to be.

The signature on my email is Phillipians 1:8- the scripture reads:

"I thank God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy, for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."

This truly sums up how I feel and why in the midst of this storm, I am soaring. I have been in constant prayer about my situation, even when I have fallen, and because I told God I couldn't get healed and get through any of this without him I had to lean on Him. So when you didn't hear from me, I was going through- putting one foot in front of the other, falling but getting back up, knowing that my faith was in Jesus. It was really nothing that anyone could help me get through. The joy of the Lord has been my strength, so when I reach out to you now for support and love, it is with joy in my heart. The assurance that things are going to be okay comes from my confidence that the work that was begun in me as a little child will continue to be perfected until Jesus Christ's return.

What I'm trying to say is that those of you who do not yet believe in Jesus Christ as your personal savior may not understand what I have been through or how I have gone through the past year. However, if you could understand that I have been through so much as a child, abuse, molestation, rape, abandonment, and yet through it all I made good grades, stayed in school, and was able to get a full-ride to an ivy league college. God brought be through and I truly believed then that there was a strong calling on my life. Although I strayed from Christ in my late teens and early twenties, I found my way back after a miscarriage and separation in my marriage drove me to the brink of dispair. It was in the midnight hour, when no one else was around that I called on Jesus. Although I had practiced Islam, Buddhism, Santeria, Yoruba, Catholicism, and Hedonism, I found Jesus in my darkest hour.

Now that I am walking with Him, I understand more than ever that His grace and mercy are poured on us when we least deserve it. During the times when I was fufilling my flesh I was crying out to Him to deliver me and when I repented I was delivered. He knew we would sin and fall short and He died so we would not have to die because we sinned. In the old testament, when you were caught in adultery or fornication you were stoned to death on sight. But now we are able to ask for forgiveness and recieve forgiveness and be restored in our walk with Christ.

But there are consequences to our actions, so I expected something... Not twins but something. But I thank God that it was twins and not HIV or Aids. This consequence carries with it life and not death, and for that I am so grateful to God.

Once you become a Christian, you are not automatically made perfect and I think that's what many people, including myself assume. My Pastor says we are the "W.I.P." Works In Progress. So God is still working on us until the day that we die or the day that Jesus comes back. So, to all my unsaved friends and family I repent openly for my sins and the choices that I made that may now affect your decision to give your life to Christ. I am not perfect, but I was no more deserving of Christ's mercy before I sinned than I am now.

Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death." Conviction is when you do wrong and you feel bad and feel the urgency to repent and change your ways. Condemnation is when you feel heaviness for your wrong but all you ever feel is wrong. It's the guilt you still feel about something you did when you were in elementary school. It's what other's try to make you feel about your actions when God has already forgiven you. It's when you refuse to forgive yourself.

So today, you either have confidence in something bigger than yourself. You believe that you are right where you are supposed to be. If it wasn't for getting fired, or moving, or getting divorced, you would not be where you are right now. I thank God for the trials and tribulations because they have made me more patient, more kind, more loving, more forgiving, more understanding. I am a much better person June 06 than I was June 05. This road you are on is leading you to the biggest revelation on Earth: Your purpose. So instead of beating yourself up for past mistakes, and carrying around regret; change what you can change and keep walking with your head held high. Keep your confidence in the fact that your life means something and it meant so much to Christ that He died on the cross just for you. Do not allow the condemnation of your own unforgiveness, or other people's inability to understand where you are to keep you bound. Be free and walk in your purpose. I love you deeply and hope you feel the love of Christ in my walk.